Enso Community Hike-Bike-Yoga Nights with Jackie
As spring stretches into summer, our Montana sun stretches along with it. With seasons as short as ours, the on-ramp to summer can feel like you’re attempting to step on a treadmill already set to sprint. In short my spring summed up was: Words were said, actions were taken, data was collected, results were recorded, apologies were made, lessons were learned and now, I publish my results.
I like a good experiment, especially if it revolves around me. There isn’t a habit that I have that I have not tried to understand at its core in order to remedy, heighten, dissolve or hold with curiosity. I do this to refine the direction I’m heading and how I feel while I’m getting there. It’s fascinating to me that there are so many different perspective(s) therefore so many potential realities and I want to get my passport stamped in … the good ones. So I do my part. I meditate regularly. I drop into my body and my breath without needing reminders. I’ve carved and rerouted my inner chatter to reveal more useful game trails of thought. I notice the connection between what I eat and how I feel so I eat in kind. All that to say, when the person I love so, so much sleeping next to me, falls asleep in .03 seconds and immediately begins snoring, I want to light the whole house on fire. I’m also ready to admit that moments after a lengthy meditation, filled with all the spaciousness, freedom and the sensations that I might actually be peace? I saw and heard a version of myself I would prefer not to see again.
“We listen and we don’t Judge…” Ok, so I was watering my vegetable starts, their thin spindly stocks reaching towards sunlight. “Oh thaaaank youuuuu!” I imagined them chirping in their tiny little plant voices. Because we learned the hard way last spring that our Rhodesian Ridgeback’s love language like me, is also curiosity, I went to hang them back up in the sunlight of my bay window, when inexplicably:
I dropped them.
Not dropped, rather a combination slide-throw-body-slam into a muddy and completely unsalvageable mess. It was eerily silent as I stared down at their broken bodies and tried to do the mental gymnastics of “how?” when I let loose what could only be described as a low guttural growl/scream that had the power of summoning the combined anguish and despair of my ancestors and a well-check courtesy of Bozeman’s bravest blue.
Five minutes later with perspective, breath work and a mostly reluctant amble to acceptance, I was mostly fine. I let it go but this residue remained. Their little chirping voices, all that tender work and care- gone. What a bummer!
Around the same time, I saw a reel featuring a comedian I consider to be a big sweetie, doing an interview where he mentioned he practices mindfulness. He loved the practice of seeing himself in others. He finds that it allows him to find quick connection, more empathy and greater compassion for those he sees or comes into contact with.“That’s me making coffee as a barista, there’s me walking a dog, that’s me pushing a grocery cart etc …” His smile and tone was so genuine, I believed him! So I put my phone down and committed to trying it out.
Despite my efforts, I regret to inform you that I was not able to successfully travel the length of 19th without mentally berating myself in my fast cars, my slow cars or my UPS trucks. That meditation practice of mine is really putting in the work…
So I’m human, so I run hot, so I make mistakes. So I have a hard time processing difficult information, juggling all the plates and restful sleep. So my years- long meditation practice has not transformed me into a saint. So I lost all my vegetable starts and had to buy them instead. So the news feed and the reactions to it are just so overwhelming all the time and I feel powerless and unsure how to help. So the experiments I do don’t always work. Fine!
Soon after, in what can only be described as a blend of reluctance and acceptance AKA “handing the wheel over to Jesus” the folded and unfolded mental map of how to untangle my spring mental mess finally returned to me midway through a set of burpees. Call it a divine spark or brilliant stall tactic orchestrated by my subconscious-as they say: May it be of service; take what resonates and leave the rest.
It starts with noticing. Notice the good, then let it spread
If you think there is no good, start with accepting that your body is humming without needing any contributions from you. If that doesn’t generate a spark and there is just no good to be found, seek a professional witness.
Speaking of witnesses, be one. We all really need them. It’s an honor and a gift to look at pain and suffering. Why? Because it’s hard to see and it’s sometimes hard to share. Witnessing it is a gift, it’s not for you, it’s from you. So be a witness instead of joining. What's yours is yours what's not, is not. You’re much better service to yourself, your community and the world when you’re empowered. Then you can be an anchor for good.
What action can I take right now that will produce the most good, how can I make a positive impact right now? Then do it quickly
Turn off the tv, log out of socials. Tune into the politics of birds instead. Infinitely more entertaining and beneficial. Seriously, look up. So much is happening all of the time.
Don’t forget that discomfort, suffering, and pain are/can be wonderful teachers. Teachers that have no doubt been to visit and teach you. These times can leave you hardened and softened in all the right places, so let it.
Good is contagious just as bad so be a super spreader - of good.
Sympathetic joy is always available and on demand, try it. It feels good to feel good for someone else!
Remember who and what you came from. Your ancestors (some of them), sailed literally into the unknown based on a crudely drawn and reproduced poster and heresy - and they made it! (If they didn’t, I’m absolutely certain they’ve done hard things and many of them are counting on you to be able to too.)
Touch grass, lay in a pool of sunlight. Say less, (still learning this one) listen more.
It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to be disrespected, it’s okay to be offended, it’s ok to be hurt. It literally won’t kill you. Those feelings/reactions are all just rabbit hole entrances masquerading as feelings. Free will affords you the choice of accepting the invitation or not and guess what, either way? It’s ok.
Consider this: Maybe everything is ok, maybe everything will be ok.
Maybe it’s better than ok. Maybe it’s wonderful, -even and in spite of it all!
Join me this summer every third Wednesday of the month 6-9ish PM beginning June 18th for my contribution (and need) of the most good.
Enso community bike, hike and yoga nights
This is an all abilities evening, no podium finishing here! We’ll do a slow peddle from the Enso parking lot to the M’ trail or Drinking Horse where we will hike as a group. Once back at Enso we’ll finish the evening off with a slow flow yoga session. Space will be limited. This is a donation based, bring your own bike and yoga mat event event. Nourishing treats will be provided. Stay tuned, more information coming soon!
-Jackie